grrrrr........

Today is not a good day.
The ache in my soul is almost to much to bare.
A replay that day in my head over and over again.
I felt so helpless.
I tired but I failed you, I couldnt save you.
I feel like I dont know who I am anymore yet at the same time I've never known myself better.
I now know the meaning of life and that "Where ever you go there you are" is not just a cliche but a true statement.
You can't escape you. Ever if no one else knows, you know.
Good or bad, you know. Sometimes I feel that there isnt any room for me to care about anything else.
That nothing could affect me anymore. Nothing in the world could hurt as much as this.
I want to block out everyone and everything but I dont because I dont want to hurt anyone.
They all say the same thing " dont shut me out", "dont shut yourself away from the world", "we care about you and we dont like to see you sad".
I dont want them to hurt the way I hurt. Yet at the same time I think about how selfish it is of them to want me to do something I dont want to nor can do.
I'm sorry if my grief interferes with what you think I should be doing.
So I continue to put on the brave face, all the while I'm choking back the tears past my broken heart to the depths of my soul.
Broken, thats a good word to describe how I feel........

broken